The time of your life - is it yours or someone else's?
Perspectives and resources for transforming ourselves and our relationships.
When someone makes a decision to exercise their real power and transcend their default or “conditioned” level of conscious awareness, things change all around them. Others are affected by your energy and presence. Becoming:
- loving
- compassionate
- aware means to see, hear and feel much more.
You cannot solve a problem with the same thinking that created it. You can change your thoughts and the best way to do that is to change your attitude.
If you have an attitude that really wants to take responsibility and add kindness and positivity with anyone? With this revolutionary attitude you are able to truly “see”. You know that when others treat you with rudeness, disrespect or aggression it comes from their pain and unhappiness; it is not any kind of truth about you. Let go of needing to level the score – forget that game and take them to another playing field. Never match like with like when dealing with conflict; rise up to the next level and change the energy of force with your power. Set outcomes that bring you what you truly want.
Ask the question repeatedly “what do I want here?” If love, peace, understanding, respect, happiness, joy, fun, etc. are your real desires then you know that the old thinking does not work and will never work.
Imagine that you already are the person who can change this current situation, or, indeed, any other conflict situation you encounter.
You bring your power attitude with you – a state of mind that is fuelled by the power of love. This is not narrow, petty or romantic love – but the love that transcends and sets no conditions. The same love that makes strong men handle babies gently and brings out selfless behaviour when tragedy strikes. You can now bring your love, compassion and true wisdom - whatever the situation. Understand that this is not weakness – this is real transforming power. This is the strategy of “win/win” instead of “lose/lose”.
You have used ego* and logic to try to deal with and solve conflicts previously - they do not work. Why? Because you come up against other egos, logics and “have to be rights” and you get double or multiple forces battering each other into submission. Sometimes there is even the illusion of winning but the reality is that all of the things you truly want are further away than ever.
"... I am already using some of the invaluable tools and techniques in my own life." (C.G. Project Co-ordinator)
*Ego - the part of us that creates conflict and fear because it thinks it's alone and disconnected from everyone else. It has to be right. Our ego is our learned self – the one that thrives on negatives, self bashing and reinforcing “me against the world.” It lashes out at others and it tears into us too. It is never at peace and always has a list of “things I must have before I can be happy.” It is deluded and crazy and locked into more of the same. The more we can become aware of the ego's effect the more we are able to choose peace over pain.
Circle of Excellence - creating a state of power
Think of a time when you felt very loving, compassionate, powerful and connected to your true wisdom. If you can't think of a specific time then create these feelings by thinking about people you love and value. Think about times when you knew that you were operating outside of petty ego and love was driving your actions and feelings. Think about children or stories with characters that inspire you. Whatever works!
So remember a time when you instinctively knew you were powerful (not forceful), but powerful.
Imagine that power coming from your heart and filling the whole of your being. Imagine it is like a great wave; feel it, see it, hear it – let it easily wash over the little petty fires of hate, fear, conflict and “I must be right”.
Notice how it changes your whole awareness and attitude. Build this feeling within – see, hear and feel it – make it strong.
- Imagine a circle on the floor, big enough to stand in. Place it in a specific location.
- Stand outside the circle, look into the centre and see, hear and feel yourself there with your “loving power” experience.
- Allow yourself time to build your state. Imagine these peak experiences and be there. See, hear and feel all of the experience. As you feel your state start to peak step into the circle. Let the feeling fill you.
- As you stand in the circle increase the effect by reliving memories of past “loving power” experiences. If you sense the feeling dropping step out of the circle immediately. When you climb almost to the peak of this state within the circle – do the Zzzt-squeeze* (squeeze your finger and thumb together and say Zzzt! Then take it with you wherever you go.
- Outside the circle quickly restore the full state of excellence and step back in.
- Stay in the circle until you begin to feel your full strength state, fire your anchors just before peak, then step out and use it.
The circle is a place to feel – not question or analyse; it’s a right brain thing. Try imagining your favourite role models, heroes etc. with you in the circle – and zoom the pictures into yourself. Experiment, play around, build it and make it yours.
*This is a kinaesthetic (feeling) anchor. You can make this even more powerful if you simultaneously “fire” visual and auditory anchors with it. Think of a symbol or picture (e.g. child's smiling face, a place or a cross) and a word or sound (e.g. cheering, yesss! or daddy!) that you can add to the “zzzt-sqeeze”.