Many of us have learned to spend our time and attention in other people's business. When we do that we cannot be in ours ... think about that one.  We want to tell them how they should be, what they ought to be doing, how they should respect us, etc. We compare, complain, criticise, feel short changed and on and on. Sometimes we throw this at the other in the form of a row, or we may twist it all around in our heads saying very litttle at all to our partner. Often it is a gradual process of mutual lack of acknowledgement over time. Once upon a time we built the relationship with our words and actions ... now we take it apart with every word and action. It need not be so - you can decide today to change your input. But what about them you say?

 

Whether you are abused and bullied, whether you are the abuser, whether you want more love, respect or chocolates the same principles apply. Whatever form your strife takes there is one common factor -  what you actually communicate to them is very different to what you think you're communicating. In NLP we say "the meaning of a communication is the response it gets." Now if you really get that you can begin to change your message.

 

Like I said - learn to stay in your own business. Let's look at this idea a little closer. Whatever the state of your relationship it is very necessary for you to get 100% of your energy into you. You have taught your partner how to treat you, and visa versa, by your mutual responses. If you accept and understand that you can begin to set new boundaries and change the responses you give. You can learn to do this without anger, rows or toxic thinking (all of which fall into the category of "other peoples" business).

 

When you learn to value, respect and accept yourself you can deal with your weaknesses and tap into your strengths - get 100% into your business. Then you start to act and feel likeyou make a difference - and so you will.

 

You may even decide that you want out of the relationship ... that could, sometimes, be the best way to be in your own business, positively.

 

 

One thing you can be sure of after coaching things will not be the same again. Positive change and learning have begun.

 

 

 

"You may not remember this now - but I was getting rather stressed by my driving lessons and I have to say that I implemented positive action as a result of the Stressbusters day... " (R. Lancaster, Probation Officer)