Give your attitude the super valet treatment and let it shine!

 

If you've ever given your car a really thorough valet you'll know that feeling of pleasure at seeing smelling and feeling the transformation. Now there's a new pleasure, enjoyment and awareness in getting into it and taking it for a spin. Feels like new, feels cared for and performs as it should. It was well worth the effort.

 

Well I'm thinking that we too might benefit from a super valet from time to time. So I'm going to suggest some ideas for giving your attitude a t-cut and polish, your disposition a shampoo and your “raison d'etre” a pressure wash and degrease.

 

Recently I rummaged under the seats of my car (having mislaid my PDA) and was embarrassed by the state of the interior. It was a mess. Being the sort of chap I am it made me think. Does this mess in some way reflect my current thinking and attitude? Grubby McPherson, very grubby (as my teacher said as he inspected my hands before school dinner) was my conclusion.

 

I'm not one to pointlessly berate myself about failures – I've done quite enough of that. But I'm very happy to act on feedback from wherever it comes. I want to smarten up and get back on track and I'm making that choice. From time to time information comes to us that can be taken as a message that something could change (we can take action) or we can elect to stay unmoved whilst glowering menacingly in the direction of the attack/feedback.

 

NLP Presupposition*: “There is no failure – only feedback.”

 

I'm going to assume that you are still reading because you are one of the former types and can see the benefit in an attitudinal scrub. On that basis I will expand the metaphor and start filling the bucket and rolling up the sleeves.

 

First question; why bother? What do you want to achieve, improve, create more of (or even some of)? If you were to choose an area of your life (like work) and then honestly and openly stand back and take a current snapshot of it what would you see, hear and feel? Is it what you want? Are stressful feelings rearing up? Perhaps some bits are OK and others less so? Where could some improvement (polishing) bring back more pride, motivation, collaboration or new initiatives?

 

So lets chisel the dried gnats off your windscreen and get some clarity. It really pays to stand far enough back from your experience to see with the eyes of a neutral observer. This allows you to gain a truer awareness of where you are right now without excessive brow beating - you don't have to get into self recrimination – you just notice. Allow in the possibility that there are things that, right now, you don't even know that you don't know. Expect to discover new wisdom and develop a knowing that you have more potential than you've shown so far (in the same way that you know that Olympic records will be broken at each new games).

 

NLP Presupposition*: “People have all the inner resources** they need or can create them.”

 

Examine your current attitudes – where might you be blocking your own best interests? Begin by entertaining an attitude that wants to establish what your best interests actually are. In your best imaginings what outcomes are you looking for from your work? Think about the times when you felt on top of your work game and ask “what factors made that special for me?” What are you thinking, feeling and doing when you're on right on song?

 

Here are some examples of attitudes that ratchet up the stress levels and punch a hole in the happiness bucket:

Do you need to be right or get the last word in? Ask how does this help or hinder your working relationships? Could needing to be right block you from understanding people and situations better? How do you feel when someone else batters you with their “rightness”?

 

Are you resistant to authority and continually questioning directions? How does this 'work' for you? Perhaps you could resolve to meet the directions with your best intentions and offer sincere, constructive feedback where appropriate?

 

You practice creative whingeing and whining at the water cooler. List the inspirational leaps forward you have made pursuing this hobby. This habit is a bit like trying to clean your seats with a dirty old rag – you contaminate your interior. Remember how you felt after a good whinge and resolve to respect your feelings more.

 

You hold grudges and resentments towards colleagues that you've not really examined properly and that sit as a barrier to your fruitful working relationships. Why not consider letting go and repairing the dents? Make the first move towards them, apologise even, decide to be bigger than your petty resentments.

 

You've been in this game a long time and you know what's what. I have known people that have been in a job 30 plus years and believe they have that level of experience. In reality they have one year's experience repeated 30 times. Open up to a lifelong learning (and unlearning) attitude that means anyone can be your teacher.

 

No point in busting a gut – it's not appreciated. I've seen the effect of this attitude over time. Mental cobwebs on mental cobwebs and the shrinking of self esteem, confidence and commitment. More interior soiling.

 

These attitudes, when stated as above, seem extreme and the sort of things you think only others suffer from. But actually it is very easy, given time and events, for even the best of us to gradually gather the dust and dirt that hides the shine. These attitudes can be collectively described as “victim” positions because they hold you inactive as the events out there do you down.

 

The newly polished and refreshed attitude sees the futility of these positions (in terms of your best interests) and determines to change the frame to one of “what's my response to this – I have a choice.”

 

When there are genuine issues to tackle get the facts together and talk to the person who can do something. Otherwise clear your boot out of all the petty grumbles and grips – examine them with a newly polished attitude and watch them dissolve away. Resolve to be fully a part of the team and contribute and creatively collaborate with others. Even if you are not an appointed leader you can still lead by example. People will notice your actions much more than your words.

 

Finally think about the environment you work in. Is it helping you to shine? Get your space in order and put a few pictures, quotes or ornaments around that will promote shiny thoughts and actions. Or something that makes you smile ...

 

If self examination tends to wipe your smile away or make you anxious just consider letting in the attitude “maybe I could laugh at myself a little more.”

 

A quote for your desk “People remember you not for your words but for the way you make them feel.” Happy polishing!

 

*Presupposition: something you choose to believe as true. ** Resource – NLP jargon for your mind/body states allowing you to act positively towards your chosen outcomes.