Knock 'em dead with your natural brilliance!
Making a confident, self assured, first impression can seem a very scary and difficult thing to do.
We swing this way and that in our minds. I don’t want to be arrogant… but I don’t want to be a doormat either. We’ve all been there and many of us have developed negative associations with cold calling or meeting new people.
We twist and turn trying to be all things to all people. By the time the crucial meeting has arrived we feel like our very life depends on it. And, of course, in a very real sense, it does. The quality of our lives is determined by the quality of our thoughts, which in turn, drive our behaviour. We often come out of this self bashing process feeling small and stupid and overwhelmed. So how can we be big and clever and positively whelmed, by our important meeting experiences? Well, in this article I’m going to show you how you can transform your behaviour by changing your thinking… about yourself.
Make the decision to be “enough”.
If you’ve ever looked at photographs of people meeting royalty you will see the phenomena of the excruciatingly, strangulated grin! This happens when people have made a decision, at some level within themselves, that they are not enough. They faun and squirm and lose their sense of self. Even people who are normally outgoing, confident and successful in other areas of their lives can go to pieces when they perceive that they are “less than” others.
Put on your rhinoceros suit!
I heard of a very successful salesman who used to have to do a lot of cold calling (face to face). Before he launched himself into the meeting (or potential rejection) he would go to the gents toilets; there he would lock himself into a cubicle. He would then go through the ritual of taking out his imaginary rhinoceros suit and donning it, even zipping it up and shuffling about to make it fit.
What was he doing?
He was creating a separation between himself and the role he was playing. His success came about because he protected his sense of self. If he got rejected or treated shabbily his self esteem and self image remained intact. He was not his role. Neither are you.
So find a way like this to separate yourself from potential negativity. Learn to separate your identity from your role. You exist and are a valuable human being whatever happens. That’s not negotiable. Don’t lose yourself in your job. Express yourself through it!
Develop a non – stick self and flourish!
Having healthy self regard (loving yourself) is absolutely fundamental to creating success. Many people’s sense of self is so fragile that they allow themselves to be blown away every time by external influences. You can be at your best no matter what’s going on “out there”. People will always have opinions about you – whatever you do. So if you can detach from needing other people’s approval you can unlock your real potential to make a powerful impact. Other people will continue to throw their stuff at you. You don’t have to let it stick. You just have to decide whether you want to accept someone else’s opinion of you, instead of your own.
Be authentic and let go of outcomes.
I listened to an actor talking about the stress of auditioning for parts. His conclusion was that the more desperate the actor was to secure the part the less chance they stood of getting it. By contrast the ones who were relaxed about it would be offered more parts than you could shake a stick at! What does this tell us? Letting go of outcomes and concentrating on being the authentic “you” is the way to win hearts and minds.
Forget about comparisons, your contribution is all!
If you are in a business situation and you feel inferior and/or intimidated by those you have to deal with they will instinctively know that and exploit it. So the first thing to do is to think this way:
- you are offering a service
- you do it well
- you have standards
- you have values
- what you are providing is needed
- you are needed.
The best way to start any relationship is to listen well. Find out what it is that will really make the difference. As Steven Covey says in his “Seven Habits of Highly Effective People”; “seek first to understand”. When you’re meeting new people (or people with whom you have no established reputation), think about the big picture. You are starting a relationship which you want to be mutually beneficial. It’s a win/win. If you know who you are (that is you know that you have a contribution to make and your values are clear), and you are committed to giving your best, you will not give in to unfavourable terms or feel brow beaten. You will be proud to be entering into a relationship of equals.
Inspire yourself with a role model
Now that you have self worth and purpose on board you can do some polishing. Find a role model that will inspire you to be your best. When I watched “Who Wants to be a Millionaire” recently I thought - Chris Tarrant - that’s my idea of relaxed, confident, ease. That doesn’t mean I try to be Chris Tarrant. It does mean that I am inspired by him to develop my own version of that state “relaxed, confident, ease”. It’s a bit like having your own mentor/coach standing with you. When we see a great example we are inspired by it. We are given permission to shine. Chose someone who inspires you to be your internal coach.
Let your unconscious mind lead you to excellence
Think about what state, what qualities, you want to express your natural brilliance. When people are giving their very best they are tapping into their unconscious minds and bypassing their conscious minds. As an example I did some stand up comedy a while ago. I tried to memorise all my material, when to pause, when to change voice tone etc. When it came to perform I forgot all that and just did it. I trusted myself to just know. It worked.
Reveal limiting beliefs - become a self observer.
Develop the habit of watching yourself as a detached observer. Begin to question the beliefs that create a negative self image. Keep a journal and write it in a “stream of consciousness” form first thing. Do it once or twice a week to get insights into what’s working for you… and what may not be.
Question your beliefs about yourself, your abilities and your potential. Identify areas where you feel you want to learn new skills. Challenge thoughts that are self attacks, begin to appreciate and enjoy your abilities.
Beliefs about life are generalisations based on limited experiences, often gained early in life. Dump them and replace them with life affirming ones.
So next time you’re approaching an important appointment with unknown assailants (sorry business people) bring all of you to it – and knock ’em dead with your natural brilliance!